


On Quiet Nights I See A New Beginning

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Where the Line Ended [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Healing, Insomnia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23669332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: James hadn't been able to sleep a full night for awhile now. He hopes one day he will.Bucky Barnes Bingo U3: Insomnia
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Series: Where the Line Ended [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1440364
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020





	On Quiet Nights I See A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Using James instead of Bucky just felt right.

James woke with a start and the echo of a gunshot rattling his mind. A cold sweat seemed to coat his body, his limbs tense with remembered strain. Heaving a quiet sigh, he glanced over at where Steve lay fast asleep, dark circles beneath his eyes. Guilt churned in his gut; his sleepless nights were the reason the other man was exhausted most days since Siberia…well that wasn’t entirely true. Steve was just as likely to be woken by his own nightmares as James’ screams. He was careful not to make a sound as he slipped from the bed, grabbing the simple robe thrown over the bed post and making his way toward the balcony. 

Breathing deeply, James let the fresh air of Wakanda wash over him. He didn’t close his eyes, choosing instead to fixate on the bright stars hovering delicately above the city. Even without the smog and light pollution of Brooklyn, they reminded him of home, of a different time. James pulled his robe closer around himself as a breeze picked up, tried to let the peaceful air around him ease the sensation of a neck snapping in his hand, the push back of a gun against his shoulder, the sound of cries and begging piercing his ears. 

It didn’t work. It never worked. 

He leaned against the railing, practiced his breathing. Three sessions in with Sam and he was continuously surprised by how much it helped. Little things like what he missed about Brooklyn, what he remembered about his fall, what Hydra did to him in captivity. All that wasn’t too bad, not with Sam, not when they were sitting across from each other as equals, working together. Except…except they both drew the line at what he had done while out of his mind. James didn’t want to talk about it and Sam could only understand so much, say so much. Some things couldn’t be fixed with words. 

“Bucky?”

He flinched at the sound of Steve’s voice but managed to offer a small smile as he glanced over at where Steve stood, wiping tiredly at his eyes. Clad in a simple tank top and boxers, the bruises marring his skin still felt like a personal failure, even after all this time. The thought was a stupid one, he’d fought next to Steve, watched him turn from the scrawny, defiant kid he’d been, into a strong and good man. He’d shouldn’t feel so protective of him now, shouldn’t itch with the way Steve had started taking care of him, taking the one thing he’d always been good at, in charge of. 

“Hey, you alright?”

Blinking rapidly, he tried to wipe the thoughts from his mind, refused to be trapped in his head once again, “yeah Steve. I’m okay.”

A wide yawn overtook him, and that teased a genuine smile from him as Steve wandered slowly out onto the balcony. He always covered it well but James had noticed that he had a bit of an aversion to heights and James refused to let himself think about why that was. 

“So, you’re fine huh?”

He shook his head, “as fine as I can be.”

Steve glanced down at his feet, frustration in his expression and James could relate, understood intimately the helplessness that came with a friend hurt in ways that couldn’t be helped. It had changed after all these years, from street fights to war to PTSD, it wasn’t something he thought they’d ever escape. 

“Come here,” James murmured. “its freezing.”

He came closer without complaint, let him wrap his arms securely around the man, never fitting quite right since his transformation. James couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever get used to it, how many more years it might take to finally see and know the man as he was. 

“You’re quiet tonight,” Steve commented. “Thinking too much.” 

“Nah, thinking just enough.” 

There was a long pause and James knew what was coming, didn’t try to change the subject like he’d done every day for the past week. He liked to think that maybe he was ready and maybe Steve was too. 

“Have you been thinking about what T’Challa said? I heard you were talking to some of the others.”

Steve checking up on him wasn’t as annoying as it might have been once, even a few weeks ago. He felt better now, less like his head was spinning and danger lurked around every corner. Sighing softly all the same, he pulled Steve closer, rested his head against the other man’s and glanced up at the stars again, soundless and beautiful. Sometimes he pretended they weren’t here but back in Brooklyn staring up at the same stars in victory after the war. It never hurt to dream. 

“Yes. They have some really good councillors and Sam is right, he doesn’t have the experience to help me, not really.”

There was another long pause, this one filled with bittersweet acceptance, “I’ll still be around you know, whenever you need me.”

“I know. I think it will be good for me though…getting some time away from everything, from the- I don’t know everything.” 

Steve didn’t ask for any more commitment then that and James was grateful. He knew that Steve was ready to go out and keep fighting where he was needed, had seen him speaking quietly with Natasha and Sam and Wanda, knew that behind the scenes he was working hard to fix the mess they had made of everything. He also knew that there was a place of him at the helm if he asked for it but he wouldn’t, he was tired and trying to heal and already he’d broken so many things in an attempt to get away from it all. Broken families and friendships and contracts and faith and belief. It was a difficult thing to fathom…and he had no wish to do anything less then honor everything Steve had done for him by finally being happy. 

He had a feeling Steve knew that and he hoped, one day if he found peace for himself, he’d be able to help him do the same. 


End file.
